Last Friday I went through the day with one working arm and one kinda-working arm. I drove with one arm, I carried the groceries with one arm, I cooked with one arm, and I supported the other arm when typing. C'mon - let's get our priorities straight.
My arm burned, screamed, and was grating. That is a horrific sound that I don't wish on anyone. And for the past week or so, whilst I've been two armed - my shoulder hasn't gotten much better. So on the eve of my surgery it seems appropriate that I am reflecting on the use of one arm, because as of tomorrow at about noon, when all is said and done and the last stitch is in, I will be a one-armed bandit. In a sling. In a drug-induced stupor. In the hospital. Lovely.
I was joking with my dad today while I was putting my jacket on. I was saying that tomorrow there will be many things that I can't do. As I pulled my right arm through my jacket - I screamed. And smiled. As to illustrate my point further. We laughed, but man oh man, that one hit a little too close to home.
So I've scrubbed every inch of my shoulder and about 6-8 inches in every direction from there on out with this horrid antimicrobial soap. Actually, calling it "soap" is being kind. It had a scrub brush on one side and foam pad on the other. With no clear direction, I scrubbed with both sides. My poor shoulder. And I have to repeat tomorrow morning. Between this and the vats of iodine that they will slather on my "shoulder area" (read: neck to elbow to breast bone and all places in between), my skin is going to be a wreck. I guess that's the least of my concerns.
I have mixed feelings. I want the pain relief that I know surgery will bring, but I don't want the 4-6 months of compromised mobility, rehab, pain and frustration.
The song that I've been thinking about lately is Beautiful Day by U2. It doesn't really make sense, except that the outpouring of love, concern and friendship leading up to my surgery has been wonderful. The rest is really going to suck, but I've made some wonderful friends over the past year, held onto my old ones and can feel the love. That makes it a beautiful day, no matter what.