Saturday, June 28, 2014

Fix you

I suppose I could take all the posts I wrote last summer and fall and simply recycle them. That would save time and thousands of keystrokes.

Like last year, it started with pain in my right shoulder. I was 8 months post-op and pain at this stage is unexpected. My range of motion did not come back at all, and then I started having pain at rest. Washing my hair is painful, and I cannot lift my arm above shoulder height independently. It just won’t go.

Like last year, I went to see my surgeon for a follow-up. Upon seeing my x-rays, he didn't have to explain anything to me. I've seen dozens of my own shoulder films, and I know what I'm looking at.

Like last year, my glenoid (socket) was thinned out again and there was little evidence of any of the bone graft remaining. This is a significant problem, as last October I had surgery to graft bone into my shoulder. And it’s all gone.  All of it. The surgery was a failure – and none of the bone graft took.

Like last year, I fought back tears and tried to formulate coherent questions, but none came. I'm sure I’ll pull myself together and have some intelligent questions for my next consult.

Like last year, we talked about what the next steps are and what the next surgery might look like.

Like last year, I got the surgeon sad eyes. When your orthopaedic surgeon feels bad for you, you know you’re in rough shape.

Like last year, and two years before that and two years before that before my last surgeries, I keep wanting to say “I can’t do this”. But I don’t really have a choice.

Like last year, and the 22 years before that - I hate RA. It has taken so much from me. And every time I face another surgery, biopsy, needle, infusion, pill, ache and pain RA takes something that cannot be replaced. Cue Coldplay "Fix You” Could it be worse? I suppose. But this is pretty bad.