To cut, or not to cut - that is the question. To start on the bionic path or not -that was the question I was struggling to answer. I knew this path was inevitable, but I just wasn't ready for it right quite then. I thought 3,5,7,10 years would pass before I needed to go under the knife - years, not months.
I had a tough December in 2008 while I wrestled with this decision. I knew that I needed the surgery, and if I waited too long, my surgery would not be terribly successful. I talked to my husband, my parents, my rheumatologist. Actually, my rheumy took 45 minutes to meet with me about it, and saw me on short notice, as I had many serious concerns about the prospect of surgery (that's putting it fairly mildly). He look at my radiology reports from the hospital and confirmed that my shoulders were in a bad way and that surgery was the best recommendation for me.
I cried, I raged, I pulled out all the stops in my pity train. Life wasn't fair. Why me? Woe is me. And then, acceptance, empowerment and a decision.
I booked my surgery for May 19th, 2009 and the countdown began. I second guessed my decision several times, but in my heart of hearts, I knew that this was the right decision at the right time and to delay was merely delaying the inevitable.