Choices

Some choices, you know the immediate consequences. Some take a few days, weeks, months or lifetimes to find out if you made the right choice. But therein lies my post. You sometimes do not know what the right choice is, and you'll never find out. You make the best decision that you can at the time - rely on your knowledge, information available and instincts.

When I think of long-lasting, irreparable, big-consequence choices - I think about the choices I make for my health and care of my RA. Today I had a terrific headache. All my usual plans of attack didn't work, and I know it is a side effect I experience from my fancy infusion drug, Actemra. As with most drugs for RA in the "biologic" class, there is long and scary list of potential side effects, including increased risks of some cancers. The side-effects I can pin point for me are headaches, hair loss and of course not healing as well from bumps and bruises.

There are differing viewpoints on natural vs. pharmaceutical treatments, long term drug effects vs. quality of life. I find myself frustrated at times when friends, co-workers or strangers comment proudly on the fact that they "don't like to take pills". I find myself biting my tongue, as I don't have that luxury in my life. If I didn't take pills or medication, there is a decent chance I would be curled in a ball of pain in my parent's basement for the past 20 years. I've chosen to take the drugs, live with the consequences - whatever they may be,  and life my life to the fullest. I am concerned with how all these medications over all these years will impact my body. But I balance that out with making the best decision I can at any given time.

One of my favourite songs from last summer was The Fighter by Gym Class Heroes. I ran miles and miles to that song, as I was training for my 5K race. I will continue to make choices and fight for my health. It's been 9 months that I've felt "normal". I feel like most other people do. It's amazing. And I won't be letting that go anytime soon - so I choose to take the drugs and keep running and fighting.