This could really be a good life

A good, good life. I've found some insight/inspiration from the song The Good Life by One Republic. Take a listen if you have a minute. It's a balanced song about how you have a good life and could have good life. I feel I am walking that balance. Have and could have. Have and have not.

I have a good life. And I have had RA for 20 years.

"When you are happy like a fool, let it take you over, when everything is out, you gotta let it in." (The Good Life)

I think I've had a hard time taking it in, my good life. I think I see all that I have lost and not all that I have gained. I emailed RA Guy about completing a submission for his "Real Profiles of RA" and I got stuck on his question "How has living with RA helped to improve your life?"

Well my first reaction is that it hasn't. RA has had the exact opposite impact on my life. I have a lot of regret about the path that I am on. I think through this blog, I am discovering that I am still looking back to 20 years ago wondering how different my life would have been without RA. And I can only see all that it has cost me. I had a hell of a time finding my silver lining. I admire many of my fellow bloggers for coming to terms with their RA and having a positive attitude about it, and then sharing with others. That takes energy that I don't have yet.

I have a positive outlook on most of my life, but this seems to be some dark corner in my life that I am still so angry about. I have a laundry list of complaints, and I can't seem to get past, around over or under them.

So here lies my negativity, in my blog. This is a tidy place to keep it. It doesn't interfere with my daily life, and I have an outlet. And I feel better. So thank you for listening. As I've said before, this blog is a one-way conversation for the most part, and it is immeasurably beneficial to me.