Wonder Woman

Wow, do I feel awesome! How many times do you read that as an opening line for an RA blog? I feel on top of the world. I can conquer 2 kids, a messy storage room and have energy leftover for cooking, cleaning and some working from home. In sum - I am on fire. And my joints are not.

Welcome to the wonderful world of short course, high dose of Prednisone. Oh, the energy. The freedom of movement. The freedom from pain. The freedom to plan. Did I mention the energy?

After a pain-filled, soul-searching two months of 2 mgs of Prednisone, I realized that it is just a number, I value the quality of my life over what my current Prednisone dose is, and I needed to get over my frustration of not fully getting off Prednisone and face the fact that I was flaring and there was nothing else for me to do, other than increase my dose. So after a call to my rheumy, he suggest 10 mg per day for 2 weeks, 7.5 for 2 weeks and 5 until I see him.

This has been a tough pill for me to swallow. I read other bloggers experience with getting off Prednisone as they conveyed their frustrations and thought, "that, of course, won't happen to me", fully expecting that I would march down the road to being Prednisone-free in 10 smooth months. I had a plan, afterall, and I am a planner. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, as usual. RA had other plans for me, as it usually does. So I am now enjoying my Prednisone-induced pain-free time, knowing that I will try again. And again. And I will be free one day, just not today.

Compromise

Ever since I moved to 1 mg of Prednisone per day, I've been struggling with various joints. It's now getting onto 7 weeks, I just haven't been moving well - creaky knees, sandpaper hips, curled up fingers. In late March, I talked to my rheumy and we agreed to change my Diclofinac to Naproxen and see how things would go as I didn't think the Diclofinac was doing very much. Well, they didn't go much better with the Naproxen and throw in some stomach issues, to boot. So after a call to my rheumy, he suggested I take my Diclofinac twice daily. And I move my prednisone up to 2 mg. I said no to the Prednisone but yes to the increase of Diclofinac.

The Diclofinac is not doing much better at two times per day . . . and it got me to thinking about my relationship with Prednisone. I have the perception that Prednisone is the root of all evil and the giver of life at the same time. I do not like all the side effects I have experienced and some I continue to experience, however I love the way it helps me move significantly better.

I talked to my hubby - his thoughts were that it is just a number (2 mgs instead of 1 mg) and my quality of life would improve. In the end, he is right. It's just a number and I shouldn't get too attached to it. I will get off Prednisone soon enough, but not this week or this month. I think I am holding on to this so much because it is the one thing that I can control, and while it doesn't make sense to live in pain because I want to take 1 mg of Prednisone, it seems that is what I am doing.

So, I compromised (caved?). I'm alternating days of 1 mg and 2 mg. I took my first 2 mgs last night before bed and woke up a new woman - well at least there was no obvious pain and I didn't creak as much as I used to. Damn you, Prednisone, for making me feel better . . .

My love/hate relationship with Prednisone

I've been on varying doses of prednisone for about 12 years. Some times at 5 mg a day, sometimes at 20 mg a day. As with most prednisone stories, it started with love. I clearly remember the first day I was on prednisone. I had been on 8 aspirin a day to control my symptoms, but still, every day, my mom had to do my hair in a pony tail, help me get dressed and drive me to school. I couldn't walk that far and lifting my hands over my head was simply not possible. I remember writing my grade 10 year end exams where my fingers would stick in the shape of how I was holding my pen, and I would have to physically pry them open. At the time, I thought it was funny. Now - not so much.

I remember taking prednisone at night and waking up a whole new person. I could walk, better yet - I could run! I felt like I was myself again. I'd been a member of the basketball and volley ball teams a mere 4 months ago and then I couldn't walk to school. Little did I know the long-term cost of this new-found freedom.

My love affair continued when I wanted to have kids. Most anti-arthritic and immunosupressant meds don't mix with pregnancy - so prednisone at a higher dose is one of the few options available. During my pregnancy things went swimmingly, until I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and for my second munchkin, I went on insulin. My daughter was born 5.5 weeks early, and my amniotic fluid was leaking for 1 week prior to delivery. It turns out, it was great that I was on prednisone, as they generally give steroids when babies are premature to help with lung development. In my case, I'd been on steroids for the duration of the pregnancy, so Chelsea's lungs were just fine. This is one of the very few favours prednisone has ever done for me.

My relationship with prednisone started to deteriorate when I really started paying attention to the side effects. I'd been on the drug so long, I didn't really notice that I have "mood swings" - although that seems like an understatement. I don't know that I recognized them for what they really are - hard to control fits of strong emotion that require a conscious effort to keep in check. I also have a sizable "hump" on the back of my neck - but since I don't see it all the time, I don't notice it.

I love it and I hate it. Right now now I'm slowing ending the relationship, one less mg per month. If all goes according to plan, April 1st, 2010 I will be be prednisone-free. Keep your fingers crossed.