Is any surgery a "little" surgery? Is it fair to say it's "just" day surgery? Have my expectations for what a "real" is surgery risen so high that my upcoming surgery will escape my notice?
No. No and No.
There are no little surgeries. Each surgery is an event unto itself with various emotions, pain, problems and potential outcomes. While my surgery on February 14th is a day surgery, I feel the weight of it, in particular as the date draws nearer. I'm moving into familiar pre-surgery emotions and routines. I'm sleeping poorly, I'm stressed, I'm trying to tie off everything at work, I'm emotional, I'm sad and I'm feeling pretty fragile overall.
In the past couple of weeks my pain has increased to a point where pain meds are starting at 10 am not mid-late afternoon and there are multiple doses in a day. I'm woken up by pain in my shoulder and I think I can feel the joint may be slightly warmer than the surrounding area. All this to say, I'm mentally preparing myself for there to be an infection, even though this is possibly the worst outcome.
I’ve been listening to some of my favourite music from the 90s lately; it’s a source of comfort. Specifically, I’m back to listening to a long-standing Canadian rock band 54-40. They put out an album in 2016 of their greatest hits re-imagined. I love it. In particular, their newest version of “Lies to me”. The lyrics open with “What is wrong with me, am I supposed to be happy all the time?” That is a good summary of my current state.