Sunday, May 30, 2010

Denile is more than a river

Denial is a state of mind, and a lovely place to live, I might add. For a few weeks (months?) I have been feeling a little under the weather. Less energy, pain in my feet which has now spread to my right hand. I wake up with a claw-like right hand that takes some coaxing to get moving in the morning - and it seems to be taking longer and longer for it to get going. I can see the puffiness and feel the pain. This morning I found myself asking my son to be careful with my hand - and that was an hour after I woke up. Hmm, that was a bit of a wake-up call for me.

I think I've been in denial about this flare for a while. I have moved passed "compromising" with my Prednisone, and have gone to full "capitulating". I am taking 2 mgs per day of Prednisone and still taking a double dose of Dicofinac. And am trying to talk myself of out of calling my rheumatologists' office to move up my appointment from mid-July. I am also trying to ignore the fact that certain shoes (even my trusty old runners) make my feet scream because they are squished and Crocs or flip flops are my best friends.

I've been dealing with RA for 19 years and still I am baffled as to why I flare. In my mind, if I get enough sleep, don't drink too much, don't over or under exert myself, eat well, take my meds, lower my stress and laugh a little that I will somehow manage to not flare. It seems that my RA isn't responding to my formula for health. And it's frustrating.

It's not my worst flare, it's not my best, but a flare by any other name still hurts the same.

3 comments:

  1. They never seem to be easy, do they? All we can do is be good to ourselves and keep looking at all the beauty that surrounds us. The one nice thing is we know it will end and we will have some decent days again. Until then, you will have a special place in my healing thoughts.

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  2. Even after having it for a long time -- when you'd think we had the rheuma-dragon all figured out -- it still surprises us. Don't give up, Megan. Your formula for health IS working: consider how much worse it might be if you weren't being mindful and trying to stay as positive as you can. Along with the meds, supplements and a certain amount of faith, that's the best any of us can do to fight RA.

    I hope you'll soon be past this flare. In the meantime, have you considered Sketchers shoes? I got a pair last week that are just about the most comfortable shoes I've had in years. Stylish, too -- which is rare for RA feet.

    Here's hoping that you and your family will have a lovely day tomorrow.
    -Wren

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  3. It sounds like you are formula is working as Wren said. Sketchers worked for me for quite a few years although now I only wear loose fitting slid ons. It might be an idea, if possible, to go to an occupational therapist and get fitted for a resting hand splint to help prevent permanent clawing. Hoping you are feeling some relief by now.

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