It's been a year. Wow! Yeah for me!
I've taken some time to read over my musings from the past year, and take note of how I've grown and things have changed. A year ago I was literally tormented by needing to resign from work - now I am happily employed in the hi-tech world working with more great people. My family is great, I am on roughly the same medication, swapping out Enbrel and inserting Humira, and hoping to reduce some Prednisone. But really, what's new about that? Reducing my Prednisone seems to be an ongoing theme throughout my posts - like that closet you never seem to clean out. I'm sure I'll get there someday, but right now I'm not in a big rush...
So what is the biggest difference?
I think focus and control. I am less focused on my arthritis and more focused on my life, I have found a level of balance I am comfortable with. While life is busier with working almost full time - I feel I have more control over it. Work offers flexible hour, which is new for me. If I am 5 minutes late, there is no issue. I can take a longer lunch, I can come and go when I need to and they know I am a professional who will take care of my work. This is new and wonderful for me. Small amounts of control can make a big difference.
I'm proud of what I have written. When I re-read it, it certainly continues to reflect me and my journey. I am grateful for the support of my RA blogging friends. Your comments and posts remind me that there are others out there with the same struggles, frustrations and sources of humour.
I read a post tonight (ok, I'm behind on my blog reading), but Lauri Grassi had a post almost two months ago about MTX bubbling up over her leg, and I laughed out loud. It happens to me all the time and it's comforting to know it happens to others.
Thank you for listening, and commenting. I'm looking forward to another year of growing, learning, making new blog friends and keeping up with the old ones.
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
My new job
My new job started this week - I am now a full-time mom. Yeah! I worked for my employer for almost 10 years, and felt I was missing something at home - so here I am, at home. While I was only working 3 days a week when I finished, there was a toll on me and my health. I think I just wanted to slow down. I wanted to make sure that in 10 years, I didn't look back and wish I had spent more time at home with the kids. I know I am fortunate to be able to stay home with them and I'm glad I am taking advantage of this opportunity.
The kids just turned 3 and 5 - along with their birthday parties (on back to back weekends, as their actual birthdays are 4 days apart - whew, that was beyond busy), came their annual check-ups with our family doctor. All is well, but every year we go, I have a fear that she will find something with their joints - and to be honest, I check them from time to time myself. I know that the cause of RA is unknown, however there is a small, but irrational, fear that they will live through what I have. And I do not want this part of my life for them.
Patrick (my 5 year old) had to get a booster for a few of his immunizations, and he did not take his needle well. On the way home he went on and on about how he was never ever going back to Dr. Karen's. And then out of the blue, he asked me if I still take needles. It's funny what kids remember - we had talked about it 3 - 4 months ago, but they have minds like steel traps. So I told Patrick that I take medication to help me feel better. That's my line for now, I'm sure it will change as his capacity to understand grows. He said he didn't want to be me and take needles every week. In my head I agree with him - sometimes I don't want to be me either...
I have seen a glimpse of the pain of being a parent of a child with RA - when I was younger when my dad created the pain machine and recently, when I had my shoulder replaced last year.
When I was post surgery, I was able to leave the hospital room with my parents, so we went downstairs to the atrium at the Ottawa General hospital. I drank a Tim Horton's Iced Capp with a tube sticking out of my neck and my arm in a sling. Nice. It's the feeling of helplessness as a parent - knowing that all you can do is sit there, be there and hold their hand. I'm grateful for my parent's ongoing support through my ups and downs and I hope that I don't have to face those particular parental challenges, as I don't know if I would be as strong as they have been.
The kids just turned 3 and 5 - along with their birthday parties (on back to back weekends, as their actual birthdays are 4 days apart - whew, that was beyond busy), came their annual check-ups with our family doctor. All is well, but every year we go, I have a fear that she will find something with their joints - and to be honest, I check them from time to time myself. I know that the cause of RA is unknown, however there is a small, but irrational, fear that they will live through what I have. And I do not want this part of my life for them.
Patrick (my 5 year old) had to get a booster for a few of his immunizations, and he did not take his needle well. On the way home he went on and on about how he was never ever going back to Dr. Karen's. And then out of the blue, he asked me if I still take needles. It's funny what kids remember - we had talked about it 3 - 4 months ago, but they have minds like steel traps. So I told Patrick that I take medication to help me feel better. That's my line for now, I'm sure it will change as his capacity to understand grows. He said he didn't want to be me and take needles every week. In my head I agree with him - sometimes I don't want to be me either...
I have seen a glimpse of the pain of being a parent of a child with RA - when I was younger when my dad created the pain machine and recently, when I had my shoulder replaced last year.
When I was post surgery, I was able to leave the hospital room with my parents, so we went downstairs to the atrium at the Ottawa General hospital. I drank a Tim Horton's Iced Capp with a tube sticking out of my neck and my arm in a sling. Nice. It's the feeling of helplessness as a parent - knowing that all you can do is sit there, be there and hold their hand. I'm grateful for my parent's ongoing support through my ups and downs and I hope that I don't have to face those particular parental challenges, as I don't know if I would be as strong as they have been.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The Warm Fuzzies of Gratitude
This past year has been a year of change for me. 3 new nieces, 1 new teflon/plastic shoulder, 1 new designer drug (my nickname for Enbrel), 6 mg less per day of prednisone, 2-3 flares and 1 realization - in the face of flares, surgery and other health issues - that my family is really more important than anything else in the world.
In reflecting on my year, I feel grateful for the people in my life and for the events that have happened. I believe you learn from your experiences, and this year was a world of discovery.
I learned through my shoulder replacement that I am pretty tough. That you need to be your own health care advocate. That a nerve block for a Total Shoulder Replacement is a very good idea.
I learned that if you ask for help, you will usually receive it. Friends are willing to take you grocery shopping when you can't drive - and they will even carry your groceries into your house. They will also drive you and your son to his appointments. Wait. And then drive you home. All you have to do is ask.
I learned that a parents love never lessens. Even when you are their 34 year old "baby." This year has presented a few more downs than ups, but the support from my parents never wavers. They are a 4 hour car ride away, or a 10 digit phone call. Either way, I always feel their physical and emotional support .
I learned it was time to move on from my job. That family is more important than work. In 2010 I am working towards transitioning out of my company and am excited to stay home with the kids.
I learned that I need to take better care of myself. To re-visit treatments that gave me some support and relief. Massage. Acupuncture. Eating better. Small amounts of exercise. Naps. Doing less in a day and feeling good about it.
I learned to find joy in the day to day. In simple things. Going to Starbucks with friends for a chat after the kids have gone to bed. Playdates. An "I lub you, mommy".
I learned there is a wonderful community of RA bloggers, offering support, friendship and the bond of similar experiences. It's nice to feel like a part of a community of people who understand.
I learned - for the 12th year in a row - that my hubby rocks. Literally. He is my rock who makes me laugh, does my hair in a ponytail when I can't reach due to my RA, shares all our parenting ups and downs and just loves me.
From my warm, fuzzy place of gratitude, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!
In reflecting on my year, I feel grateful for the people in my life and for the events that have happened. I believe you learn from your experiences, and this year was a world of discovery.
I learned through my shoulder replacement that I am pretty tough. That you need to be your own health care advocate. That a nerve block for a Total Shoulder Replacement is a very good idea.
I learned that if you ask for help, you will usually receive it. Friends are willing to take you grocery shopping when you can't drive - and they will even carry your groceries into your house. They will also drive you and your son to his appointments. Wait. And then drive you home. All you have to do is ask.
I learned that a parents love never lessens. Even when you are their 34 year old "baby." This year has presented a few more downs than ups, but the support from my parents never wavers. They are a 4 hour car ride away, or a 10 digit phone call. Either way, I always feel their physical and emotional support .
I learned it was time to move on from my job. That family is more important than work. In 2010 I am working towards transitioning out of my company and am excited to stay home with the kids.
I learned that I need to take better care of myself. To re-visit treatments that gave me some support and relief. Massage. Acupuncture. Eating better. Small amounts of exercise. Naps. Doing less in a day and feeling good about it.
I learned to find joy in the day to day. In simple things. Going to Starbucks with friends for a chat after the kids have gone to bed. Playdates. An "I lub you, mommy".
I learned there is a wonderful community of RA bloggers, offering support, friendship and the bond of similar experiences. It's nice to feel like a part of a community of people who understand.
I learned - for the 12th year in a row - that my hubby rocks. Literally. He is my rock who makes me laugh, does my hair in a ponytail when I can't reach due to my RA, shares all our parenting ups and downs and just loves me.
From my warm, fuzzy place of gratitude, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!
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