It's been a year. Wow! Yeah for me!
I've taken some time to read over my musings from the past year, and take note of how I've grown and things have changed. A year ago I was literally tormented by needing to resign from work - now I am happily employed in the hi-tech world working with more great people. My family is great, I am on roughly the same medication, swapping out Enbrel and inserting Humira, and hoping to reduce some Prednisone. But really, what's new about that? Reducing my Prednisone seems to be an ongoing theme throughout my posts - like that closet you never seem to clean out. I'm sure I'll get there someday, but right now I'm not in a big rush...
So what is the biggest difference?
I think focus and control. I am less focused on my arthritis and more focused on my life, I have found a level of balance I am comfortable with. While life is busier with working almost full time - I feel I have more control over it. Work offers flexible hour, which is new for me. If I am 5 minutes late, there is no issue. I can take a longer lunch, I can come and go when I need to and they know I am a professional who will take care of my work. This is new and wonderful for me. Small amounts of control can make a big difference.
I'm proud of what I have written. When I re-read it, it certainly continues to reflect me and my journey. I am grateful for the support of my RA blogging friends. Your comments and posts remind me that there are others out there with the same struggles, frustrations and sources of humour.
I read a post tonight (ok, I'm behind on my blog reading), but Lauri Grassi had a post almost two months ago about MTX bubbling up over her leg, and I laughed out loud. It happens to me all the time and it's comforting to know it happens to others.
Thank you for listening, and commenting. I'm looking forward to another year of growing, learning, making new blog friends and keeping up with the old ones.
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, July 30, 2010
How big of a deal?
I'm back from vacation (East Coast of Canada - very beautiful, I've never been before), and have had lots of time to think and reflect in the 4,200 kms of driving that we did in 10 days.
Some days, my RA seems like quite a small deal. Life is humming along, my joints are good, no side effects in sight. It's just all tickety-boo. No big deal.
Other days, weeks, months, it is a very big deal. I am tired. I am flaring. I'm having side effects from my meds. I feel physically and emotionally like crap.
Where is the balance? How big of a deal is it? That is what is bouncing around in my head. I don't want it to be a big deal - but it is. I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to put my RA in a neat and tidy closet and closing the door, putting on the padlock and all but throwing away the key. I didn't really talk about it. I didn't really address it. I took my meds, went to my appointments and life carried on. I didn't discuss it with friends, co-workers and barely my family.
And then my life and my RA started intersecting. I wanted to have a baby - so off to the rheumatologist to take me off some meds (methotrexate) and put me on some meds (more Prednisone). And then I was pregnant and considered high risk, but both of my pregnancies went along quite well. I didn't flare, nor did I have a remission. Par for the course.
And then I couldn't really wash my hair that well. And I couldn't really lift my arms up that high. And then I had my shoulder replaced.
Looking back, I think my appointment in December 2008 with the Orthopedic surgeon (when I was told a joint replacement was in order) was one of the defining moments of my life. Pretty big statement, but it was a pretty big day. Up to that point in my life, I don't know that I really understood the magnitude of the disease and it's role in my life. I spent so much time trying to not let it have any part of my life, and I dismissed and downplayed any part it that may have impacted my life.
I have RA. It hurts. It impacts every aspect of my life. My marriage. My children. My friends. My childhood. My future. Some days more, some days less. But it is always there, lurking like a shadow. I don't want RA to consume my life, but I am moving closer to finding the right amount of space for it in my life.
Some days, my RA seems like quite a small deal. Life is humming along, my joints are good, no side effects in sight. It's just all tickety-boo. No big deal.
Other days, weeks, months, it is a very big deal. I am tired. I am flaring. I'm having side effects from my meds. I feel physically and emotionally like crap.
Where is the balance? How big of a deal is it? That is what is bouncing around in my head. I don't want it to be a big deal - but it is. I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to put my RA in a neat and tidy closet and closing the door, putting on the padlock and all but throwing away the key. I didn't really talk about it. I didn't really address it. I took my meds, went to my appointments and life carried on. I didn't discuss it with friends, co-workers and barely my family.
And then my life and my RA started intersecting. I wanted to have a baby - so off to the rheumatologist to take me off some meds (methotrexate) and put me on some meds (more Prednisone). And then I was pregnant and considered high risk, but both of my pregnancies went along quite well. I didn't flare, nor did I have a remission. Par for the course.
And then I couldn't really wash my hair that well. And I couldn't really lift my arms up that high. And then I had my shoulder replaced.
Looking back, I think my appointment in December 2008 with the Orthopedic surgeon (when I was told a joint replacement was in order) was one of the defining moments of my life. Pretty big statement, but it was a pretty big day. Up to that point in my life, I don't know that I really understood the magnitude of the disease and it's role in my life. I spent so much time trying to not let it have any part of my life, and I dismissed and downplayed any part it that may have impacted my life.
I have RA. It hurts. It impacts every aspect of my life. My marriage. My children. My friends. My childhood. My future. Some days more, some days less. But it is always there, lurking like a shadow. I don't want RA to consume my life, but I am moving closer to finding the right amount of space for it in my life.
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